We’ve all heard it. perhaps many of us have said it: “I’m spiritual, but not religious.” I suppose we can divine many meanings from the statement. I translate it as: “I have deep feelings that draw me to something beyond myself, beyond the merely human -call it God…or don’t. I want to experience it, I want to feel that connection, I want it as part of my life. That said, I don’t want some ancient (or new) institution defining it for me. I don’t need to be part of some once a week club, with rules and pre-digested beliefs and expectations that will put limits on my beliefs and my explorations. I will look where I want to look, believe what I want to believe, take the parts of religion that speak to me and leave the rest.”
OK a bit wordy, but then I’m a preacher by profession. Some people think we get paid by the word. 
And if my translation is accurate to any degree, that makes the spiritual but not religious (SBNR) seeker a heretic.
“Ooooh! What a mean guy tossing nasty labels like that around!”
Well, no, actually. Heretic mean someone who chooses. It has been co-opted by some institutions to mean someone who has turned their back on an established religious tradition, but that really is only a person who chooses to believe something different from the required beliefs of the church.
I prefer Dictionary.com’s #3 definition:
“Anyone who does not conform to an established attitude, doctrine, or principle.”
I think “SBNR” would qualify…although one might argue that this popular statement is almost becoming an established attitude, doctrine, or principle all of its own.
By using the word heretic, I am meaning no disrespect to anyone by the way. I have proudly worn that label for 35 years, ever since I became an apostate Catholic and joined the Unitarian Church. I made a choice to believe something different from the teachings of my childhood church.
Unitarian and Unitarian Universalist churches are full of people like me, people who have chosen to reject teachings of childhood. For many others, there was no childhood church to reject, but they have chosen to formulate a personal system of beliefs inside a flexible, respectful and open church community. We are joyful heretics who embrace the same radical personal freedom implied in SBNR. At the same time we also find value in a sense of a community, in actively working on those personal beliefs in the company of others.
And some of us even like to hear folks organize Sunday mornings around topics that challenge or reassure us in our thinking. Perhaps we find going it alone a little daunting. Perhaps we enjoy knowing that there are people who share our values and who care for us.
SBNR implies a choice to go it alone, or at least in an ever-evolving, ever-shifting community of the moment. Nothing wrong with that if it suits you. I’m not like that. Truth is, I’m kind of lazy. Left to my own devices, I might not work on my beliefs and values as much as I do in a formed community. If I didn’t have church, I would have to find someplace to talk it out.
I would love some SBNR folks to tell me how and where they do that. This isn’t a set-up. It’s a genuine question respectfully asked. Do you need a community fix like I do? If so, where and how do you get fed in this way?
The Unitarian Church is a model that works for me, and I think our liberality and openness might work for you…but maybe not the congregational go-to-church part. So how can we be of service?
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I salute you for a great definition of SBNR. More later, probably – I have a couple of papers that need to get finished before their deadlines, but I’d like to answer your questions too!
For me, the church is an extension of my family. There, I gather with people who, while as varied and unique as my family members, are a community in relation with each other. With them, I know I am safe in expressing my faith and non-faith experiences, very much supported in a concept of shared ministry. The fact that our pulpit is an open one, with a democratically chosen minister, guarantees freedom to speak and to hear contemporary issues on topics that stimulate thought and response. I particularly appreciate that we are a congregation with a strong social conscience. Many of us work, both in the church and in the larger world, to make a difference, to live by our principles of worth and dignity for all people. I very seldom miss church. It is my home, my school, my workplace, my place of comfort in times of sorrow, a place to sing, dance and play. The added bonus to all this is to be with the children, to watch them grow into the next generation of Unitarians.
Beautifully expressed, Audrey! Thanks.
Audrey expressed exactly my feelings and perceptions. I’ve been a member of UU congregations for 42+ years – ever since I discovered that they (we) existed, and had “Principles”, not dogmatic beliefs. My UU congregations are now my family, since I distanced myself from many of the blood relatives (spiritually and in kilometers.)
Interesting take Brian, even if you might consider spell checking the title of the post. I wonder if someone who describes themsef as SBNR is impying there wish it to go it alone or even that they are making the choice away from something implied by the use of the term heresy.
In my experience, when someone describes themsef as SBNR it is reflecting an internal attitude rather than an “externalization” of faith which is what they seems to mean by religion.
Actually I wonder if someone who makes the SBNR may actually be effectively avoiding making a choice by possibly not connecting what they feel to what they live.
Can I summarize that the dividing point we seem to be drawing here is between the personal (spiritual) and the collective (religious)? At a minimum, “spiritual” is something you at least CAN do alone if you want to, whereas “religious” by its nature probably is best done in groups.
If I’m barking up the right tree there, is Peter Morale’s sermon (http://www.uucava.org/video/unitarian-universalism-religion-beyond-belief) talking about (or to) people who are religious but not spiritual?
Alas, if your inner compass draws you away from community, then you should do that, and our churches should provide you a place. Can there be a liberally religious monastery/convent? Again, I hope so, but I’m thinking its not for me.
I hope many, many SBNR’s come out of the closet and tell us how we can help them on their journey toward wholeness.
Ed Proulx
Heretic (in formation)
I agree about the idea of personal spirituality being, well, personal. And some folks survive and thrive without community connections. I’m just not one of them. There are no one size fits all solutions here.